march 23.o4..1.57pm [mood_crazy in love. happy. nervous]

about time i update this stuff. i got myspace, so if u got that too add me. 

so much is going on recently...this past weekend was pretty fun tho.  for st.patty's day we went to the club n got drunk, good times dancing with all my girlies!!  friday i was with my baby..saturday i went to the bar.  that was hella good drunken times...free drinks all night...its so great having such cute girl friends!! :)

luau is this saturday. the wrestling banquet is next saturday. i been stressed out with my 25 page paper, half of which is due on wednesday.  hula practice has been taking up a lot of free time. 

u kno its so funny..i used to be the type of girl that had her own life and her own things to do.  didnt care what other people thought of me n jus did my own thing.  i was secure with myself and who i was and what i was doing.  my motto was chicks b4 dicks, always...but things change..and people change...and i have changed.

i'm not saying this is how i want things to be, cus i do miss the old me sometimes...but if u are my frens u will love me and accpe tme for me..changes/flaws and all..everything.  i miss my girls, i kno we arent close to how we were last semester...but that doesnt mean we r not frens no more.  i wish people would just understand and accept that i have a boyfriend that i am completely in love with. 

lisa..in love..??? yup. you read it guys..i am. for once in my life...who wudda thought huh?!...honestly its one of the best feelings i have ever had in my life...and i wish that people could see how truly happy i am, and be happy for me too. 

its crazy how life changes b4 ur eyes huh?  everyday, theres something that happens to you..it has an impact on you and ur life the way u think of things and how u act...live and learn right?..jus some need to learn more than others i guess.....

o well..peace out for now. i got class n i'm late. shoooots! 

march 2. 04...6.21pm...jus got back from nationals.

:) good times, good times.  missed class from tuesday-friday..tuesday i spent all day with my baby  b4 i left on wednesday morning for montana (NAIA Wrestling nationals)...the boys took 2nd, with 10 all americans, 1 national champ  and a 2nd place guy [(which shudda been a first if the ref knew how to count near fall)  my poor fren got 2nd..wen he deserved 1st..fucked up montanians these days dont kno how to ref..piss me off ]..the tournament was pretty fun, met cool people n seen brian wrestle, which was cool [kim wudda been proud of him! :)]..met some cool coaches that offered us 15g scholarships, haha.  got piss ass drunk after the tourn with the boys n some other wrestlers from illinois and missourri. little white boys that dont eat rice. haha...nah they were all cool.  so drunk..and had to share a bed.. yuk yuk yuk. worst experience i had to go thru. yikes.    still wish my baby was there tho..wudda been waaaaaay better if he was :) i missed him a lot, cus phone+montana+middle of no where=no reception, no talking to jeff ...anyways..i have a lot more to update, but i dont wanna typ enow..so more laters.

February 23. o4/1.17 pm[cali time]…mood [happy again] a changed pov.

_no more red devils Tanya!  This weekend was pretty cool.  [Friday] spent time w.jeff b4 he left for cal poly mardi gras. I was nervous for him to leave me to go to that, but I trust him with all my heart, so..it was cool...got heLLa faded.  Danced all night with cool people.  Drunken dancing is wut we do best!  That was the hardest I ever worked to get food [w.kitto n joey!] soo fun! J Saturday slept in, hung out with my fave ex roomie.  We were TRIPPIN the fuckkk out!  Never ever again wen we r bored..shit I miss those days but o well. I guess wen ur stuck thinking so negatively wen ur off it..all u can think is the positive stuff! J so I’m glad it happened..went to ropers apt n kicked it there with the clan…then came back, spent some one on one qt with my hobo gina gina sperm eata…even tho I wasn’t drunk n EVERYONE else was..i had fun. N that’s wut matters..i don’t always have to be drunk to have fun. *bows* thank you thank you!..Sunday slept in all day, til like 4pm. Hula practice then I was off to see my babe. Gosh I missed him so much, it was only for 2 days, but still..wen I seen him….i fell in love all over again! Gosh that’s jus wut he does to me sometimes..jus being in his presence makes me soo incredibly happy. It was such a fun night..i crashed at his house n he brought me back to school, so I cud make all my classes. I ended up getting a A for my work cited for eng50 [which none of u kno, is a super bitch to do], took ym Japanese test, which i.ll b happy with a C..o god..hehe, but o well…n now I am here writing on this thing cus I have no life...i leave for montana [naia wrestling nationals] on wednesday..o man that.ll b like 5 days with out jeff. o god how am i gonna survive..i kno i will..but it.ll b hard being away from him..i guess it.ll b a good start/preparation for wen summer time rolls along.. :P

_told u I was trippin for nothing. I’m all gee now, actually I was all good the next day.  Funny how things change so fast huh?!..o well.. J

dont worry if it doesn’t make sense. Most people don’t get me anyways.

_i hate people that try to fucken control your life and wut u do.  I hate wen they make you feel bad for doing things that don’t even matter. OMG I hate it even more wen people say dumb unnecessary crap to make others feel like shit. Y the fuck wud u do that!? I hate being emotional about dumb shit that shudnt matter. I always tell myself, nothing is as bad as it seems…then y the fuck does everything seem to b like hell right now!?  I think I’m jus stressed..i’m thinking about so many different things at one time n its all driving me nuts!!  I dunno wuts wrong with me, sometimes I can jus never let shit b. I always have to make something out of nothing…and most times I don’t even realize that I do that..like right now. This entry is so pointless cus I kno I’m making a big deal out of how I feel..wen I kno by tomorrow or the next day i.ll b over it and everything will b fine n ok n all gee again…aih ya.

Ok I pau vent.

_yak yak yak.  Fuck the “riding the buss” ß cus that’s how u get, all buss!  Cool we get a Hawaii person on American idol. Hell yeah represent!  We r allowed to have fun. So shoot me if I do. Nationals in Montana will be fucken siiiicckk!!  Snow again!  Seen my babes tan, she looks as good as always..thanks for always keeping me strong n calm.  Dbar I don’t feel like such a bad person no more…lol classic.  Finally a weekend to myself. No wrestling, no getting bitched at, no taking shit from ppl…OR here me n cay come!  we’ll see…but it will b fucking insane if we go!

February 16. o4/6.oopm [cali time]…mood [sad. Hurt. Confused.]..

dont worry if it doesn’t make sense. Most people don’t get me anyways.

_menlo boys won regionals. Hell mother fucken yeah. I swear dumb bitches that don’t kno shit about wrestling need to shut the fuck up. Thanks for the fun talks Tabitha.  _valentines day was the absolute shit. It was by far the best valentines day I have ever had in my entire 19 years. I got back from OR at 10pm, he came to get me at 11. he rented a hotel room n we watched a movie, n got faded together..it sounds simple, but it was the most passionate experience I have ever felt in my life. Gosh I love him. _last night went to a comedy club, had a few drinks. Went to a party at josh.s hale.  Small kine fucken drama, but it was hella tight cus there were so many drunk fuckers (literally) there..haha. nah but it was cool.

_i don’t kno wut to say or do, I’m sorry for the confusion I cause. I’m sorry for the positions I get myself into, although I have no control over them or others.  I’m sorry for making you mad at me, or making you feel like I don’t love you.  Theres nothing that would ever change how I feel for you.  Drunk or not drunk, i love you so much that theres nothing u could possibly do or say that wud change that.  My love for you is purely unconditional.  I wish I knew wut to do to make you completely understand that.

_crazy ass shit this weeknd. Funny how u think people r perfect and they turn out to b totally far from that.  Poo on sou crowds. Poo on the 133lb.r that hurt my baby. Thanks Tanya for the the talk n making me understand guys pov. Thanks nick for listening to my shit.  N cisguy for calming me down n dealing with my tripps…man I really need to stop overanalyzing n tripping out on shit…sometimes u jus gotta let shit go n say fuck it!!!!